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1/1: Physics take on Religion
Name: Scout #133 @666
Date: Wed Mar 23 10:48:42 1994

From: Charles Magee <ST201773@brownvm.brown.edu>
Newsgroup: alt.sex.bondage.particle.physics
Subject: Re: Sexual sin and christians

Lets put all this is term that everyone on this board will understand. God
is a point mass, centered at the origin of our xyz space. Christ, we will
assume, is at the right hand of god, or about 100 centimeters away. His mass i
s probably around 75 kilograms. Since God has a very large mass (a bit less
than infinity) Christ, who we will assume is in a circular orbit around God,
has a very large Momentum, and hence has a very small wavelength. this means
that Christ's uncertainty is quite small, so we can therefore conclude that
he is fairly certain in all that he does. Not let us consider a sinner. We
shall place him at a large distance from God, say one inch and 45 million
lightyears. He, also being in a circular orbit, will be travelling
significantly slower than Christ, and will therefore be more uncertain
about it. One should also consider, howeve, that since Christ's orbit could
fit in a kiddie pool, while the sinner's would encompass not only our galaxy,
but a few of the near by ones as well, that the sinner gets around more,
sees more, and is generally a more knowledgable guy the the Savior. This
fits in with traditional wisdom. From this situation we can draw a few
conclusions. The first is that Mary, the Mother of God, being a fairly pure
person is close to God. This means that she must be a fast woman. The
second conclusion that can be drawn is that sinners have a lot more potential
than saints, since less of their energy is stored as kinetic energy.
Further insights can be gained when we look at the situation of the Heathen.
A heathen is someone who is not affected by God. This means that they are
at least a infinite distance from him. Now, assuming that one of these
folk starts to travel towards God, he will convert his potential energy to
kinetic energy during the approach, or descent. Since he started out an
infinite distance away, but wit hsome kinetic energy of his own, he will
approach god on a hyperbolic trajectory and then dissapear in2to space again,
never to be seen again. If his approach is such that it brings him inside
the orbit of The Son of God, then right after his closest approach, the
sinner's velocity will be greater than Jesus', which means that he will be
more sure of himself in his escape than Christ is in orbit. This is an
interesting notion, but some of the side ramifications are even more
With out any orbiters, therefore, God would not be able to attract anyone-
all approaching bodies would have either parabolic or hyperbolic trajectories.
However, once God has an orbiter, The two of them could collaberate to
capture other bodies. This means that heathens that get too close to
believers in their approaches might get trapped, and by the same token,
believers who are buzzed by heathens could be ejected. And what, the reader
asks at this point, does any of this have to do with sex? This is
Alt.Sex.B.P.P, not Alt.god.bondage.P.P. Well, the answer is this: Sex, as
we all know, is the union of two or more people. This, in our analogy, would
be represented as a collision. Now, in christianity, almost all of the holy
figures are male. For God, a collision between any of these close in folk
would be disasterous, because, even if we assume they are indistructable,
such a high energy collision would
a) eject one of the men in it,
b) cause one of them to fall into God,
or c) give them highly irregular elliptical orbits.

All of these would be bad for God, because in the first two he would lose
orbiters, making His chance at capturing new ones less, and in the third case
He would have a much greater chance of more collisions, as the elliptical
orbiters would cross many of the unaffected circular orbits. Therefore, God
probably disaproves of these collisions. Anyway, I managed to bring this
rant back to the topic it was supposed to address in the first place, so I'm
gonna eat lunch now. If anyone is not offended yet, I can use the anology to
prove the next verse in Leveticus, that no man shall wear clothes of two
different fabrics. later, y'all


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